Category: Parents

by Maxine Marsolini (our financial and blended families guru!) The decrees of the Lord are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; …Psalm 19:9b-10a   Some things money can’t buy, like knowing Jesus at an early age; that’s a priceless possession. When I look back Read More

Thank you, Pam. Every time I read this piece, I think of something else to add. As someone whose parents divorced when I was 16, I remember that all the adults involved, including my parents’ respective support systems, were consumed with the emotional and logistical needs my parents were dealing with. In retrospect, I completely understand that. However there were two teenage kids whose emotional experiences were pretty much ignored. My “coping” involved gaining about 70 pounds that year and no one had the skill or tools to deal with the anger and depression behind that. (Picking on me for getting fat or trying to micromanage my eating didn’t help.) I think that’s what I meant by “in a perfect world,” having someone willing and able to be there for the kids and help them deal with the emotional backlash. I felt very much alone during that time.

OK, you’ve worked with your child for years preparing them for college. They’ve done the community service since junior high that looks great on their entrance applications. You’ve sat through every sporting event until you are the official stats keeper, and snack packer. You’ve cringed through advanced Algebra, agonized over assisting them on their SAT’s, Read More

by Dr. Jane Bluestein Counselors know that when parents set clear boundaries, they take care of their teens and themselves. An earlier version of this article first appeared in the counseling magazine, Adolescence (March 1994), to support the work of counselors and therapists working with parents and families. Talk to the parents of any teenager and Read More

by Dr. Jane Bluestein A Win-Win Alternative to an Authoritarian or Permissive Approach Few of us are especially adept at setting boundaries with anyone, and for good reason. Let’s back up a bit. When you were growing up, were you told that other people’s needs were more important than yours? Were you rewarded for self-sacrificing Read More

  by Dr. Jane Bluestein Practical tips for parents and caregivers • Choices, like boundaries, are motivational tools that encourage cooperation through input and empowerment. Offer choices in the absence of desirable child behavior, to encourage your child to perform a particular behavior he or she is not currently demonstrating. • Choices can help you avoid Read More

  by Dr. Jane Bluestein …And why they are better than rules Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want, and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid Read More

Helicopter parents hover so near to their children so often they are never allowed to make mistakes; thus disempowering their child. Although we all want to prevent serious injury or permanent mistakes, it isn’t wise to head off every serious event. It is good for them to learn such lessons as: Peers can wound you Read More